Demisexuality is counted among sexual orientations. Unlike homosexuality or heterosexuality, it has not yet been well understood. It is often associated with asexuality. We explain what demisexuality is.
- What is demisexuality?
- Demisexuality and asexuality
- What else is worth knowing about demisexual orientation?
Demisexuality is the feeling of sexual attraction only to people with whom we have a strong emotional bond. In this case, physical attractiveness recedes into the background. The first violin is played by the feeling of closeness with another person. It becomes an indispensable “ingredient” of intimate relationships. When this component is missing, there is no physical contact.
What is demisexuality?
Many people, before deciding to start an erotic relationship with another person, must first get to know him very well. So what makes a demisexual different from “others”? Imagine a situation. Tomek (a fictional character) meets a girl he likes very much. The boy would gladly take this relationship to the “next level”. However, he stops himself and decides to wait until the two of them get to know each other better. Now let’s analyze the attitude of another fictional character – Andrzej. A man meets a very attractive woman who is “crazy” by all the colleagues in the office. However, he remains unmoved and, unlike his co-workers, does not feel any physical or sexual attraction to her. It is not a matter of choice or conscious decision, as in the case of Tomek, presented earlier. Andrew just does. In demisexuals, the condition for the release of desire is to establish close emotional relationships with a given person.
Demisexuality and asexuality
Many people equate demisexuality with asexuality. It’s a mistake. Both terms mean something different. Asexuality – as Anna Niemczyk writes in her book “Asexuality. The fourth orientation” – is something permanent, “does not depend on the mood, company of another person, blood alcohol content or other circumstances. As (a person with an asexual orientation – editor’s note) never feels desire, in any situation, with anyone.” Meanwhile, a demisexual – which is worth emphasizing again – feels a sexual drive towards people with whom he is strongly emotionally attached.
What else is worth knowing about demisexual orientation?
Demisexual people don’t have to be in love with someone to feel sexually attracted to them. The concept of a close emotional relationship, needed to build an intimate relationship with another person, may well mean, for example, deep friendship. Demisexuality is also not related to a worldview or religious beliefs. It’s not a matter of choice or decision. Therefore, it is impossible to answer the question about the causes of this sexual orientation.
A. Niemczyk, Asexuality. Fourth Orientation, Publisher: Novae Res, 2020