How do Polish parents raise children on the Internet? NASK report on digital parenting

The Internet is no longer an addition to family life. According to the NASK report “Digital Parenting Styles in Poland”, 95 percent parents use the Internet every day, and the average time of private online activity exceeds four hours a day. And yet this presence does not always translate into accompanying the child on the Internet.

The study included 1,000 parents and guardians of children aged 6–17. The authors distinguished four styles of digital parenting: supportive, controlling, liberal and disengaged. The largest group is the last one (35 percent of respondents). These are parents without a coherent strategy, reacting only when a crisis occurs.

– Parents have tools in their hands and, unfortunately, they put them aside when their children turn 10 – says Agnieszka Ładna, co-author of the report and head of the cyberspace and cybersecurity research team at NASK.

Digital parenting and the paradox of withdrawal

According to the report, parents believe that the greatest online threats concern older children, especially those aged 10-13 and teenagers. At the same time, this is when they limit their activity: they set rules less often, monitor less, participate less and talk less often. Control dominates with the youngest children. A liberal style appears more and more often towards young people, which is supposed to mean trust, but sometimes leads to the disappearance of the adult.

– If we combine the data on when parents see the greatest threat with when they give up, we get the time when they say: there is not much I can do here anymore – comments Ładna.

– These children are still too young to be left alone. They still need some control and regulation – emphasizes Anna Borkowska, psychologist and NASK expert in digital education.

Freedom or no care. Systems of raising children online

In the language of parents, a liberal approach sounds good, the child has space, learns independence, and is not led by the hand. However, the report shows that such an attitude does not necessarily mean mature trust. It tends to be a lack of rules, ideas and time. Liberal parents are less likely to accompany their children even in entertainment, and uninvolved parents react only when poor grades, peer conflict, violence or disturbing behavior occur.

– Liberalism also means withdrawal. These parents are simply not around, says Ładna.

At the other extreme are controlling parents. They are present, but often primarily through applications, locks and monitoring. Such activities may be necessary, especially with younger children, but they do not build relationships on their own. The rarest, and at the same time the most beneficial, is the supporting style. It is used by 18 percent. parents. Rules go hand in hand with conversation and trust.

– When something happens, the parent must develop such trust in advance that the child will come and say: I have a problem, help me solve it, says Borkowska.

Parent not as a policeman, but as a lighthouse

NASK experts returned to the question of what role an adult should play. This is not about an investigative parent who only shows up after the incident. A child who is afraid of punishment may not say anything about hate, blackmail, violence or contact with a strange adult.

– Parents are usually not a beacon to which a child goes when there is a threat, but rather a policeman or prosecutor. The point is not to be that policeman or prosecutor, comments Borkowska.

The report shows that just over one third of parents regularly talk about online safety. The largest group does it only sometimes, and 14 percent rarely or never. In many homes, prevention starts too late – first there is the problem, and only then the rules.

Where there is risk, the parent is often not present

One of the most interesting findings is the parental presence map. Adults most often accompany children wherever there is an obligation or shared entertainment. More than three quarters of respondents declare their presence during school matters and free time. The weakest area is social relations: instant messaging, social media, forums and content exchange. 53.9% of people declare their presence there. parents.

– The parent is not active where there are the most threats. There won’t be as many threats in the school and responsibilities zone. Where the greatest threats are, is withdrawal, says Ładna.

Accompanying your child in online relationships does not have to mean reading private conversations. It may mean a conversation about how the class group works, what hate is, how to respond to violent videos and how to recognize manipulation.

NASK report on online education. “Where’s Dad?”

The report shows a digital version of the old division of responsibilities. Mothers talk more, set rules and respond to signals from school. In the group of supporting parents, women constitute 66.9%, and among those who control 60.1%. Fathers are more likely to fall into the uninvolved segment.

– Where’s dad? The father is gone. As it is, he is most often disengaged. He responds when called: there is a scandal, we have to react – says Ładna.

A smartphone ban is not enough

During the conference devoted to the publication of the report, a question was also raised about prohibitions and state responsibility. Filip Konopczyński, director of the analysis and research office at NASK, warned against simply shifting blame.

– Do we want to address and solve the problem, or do we want to feel good and be able to shift the blame away from ourselves? – Konopczyński asked.

The expert reminded that children do not get devices from nowhere. Someone buys a phone, pays for Internet access and accepts daily use of the Internet. A parent cannot pretend that after handing over the smartphone his role ends.

– The parent and guardian are responsible for a child online, and holidays do not mean a break from this responsibility – adds the co-author of the report and head of the cyberspace and cybersecurity research team at NASK.

Big Tech is also a party to the dispute in the fight for children’s attention

Experts emphasized that parents are the first line of support, but should not be left alone. Platforms design services to retain attention and suggest new content. If adults have trouble putting down the phone, children have even less chance.

– Let’s not put everything on the shoulders of parents, because in this battle with technology and Big Tech we really have little chance. It would be best to act in two ways: equipping parents with knowledge and tools, but also regulating the mechanisms that use big technologies – comments Borkowska.

Online autonomy is not absence

Digital parenting isn’t about choosing between complete control and complete freedom. As a child grows older, he or she should be given more autonomy, but autonomy cannot mean loneliness.

– More control and regulation is needed at the beginning. Later, the older the child, there should be more autonomy, but autonomy does not mean the absence of the parent, says Borkowska.

The Internet will not be turned off. The smartphone will not cease to be the center of communication, entertainment and education. However, you can decide whether the child will go through this world alone or whether there will be an adult next to him who not only forbids and checks, but also explains, listens and gives a signal: if something happens, you can come. I won’t be a prosecutor. I will help.